Family & Relationships » Singles & Dating » How do I help my Fiance with his abusive and manipulative child s mother?

How do I help my Fiance with his abusive and manipulative child s mother?

My fiance and I have been together for awhile. Half a year before we met he found out that his ex girlfriend ( he had an abusive and toxic relationship with) was 7 months pregnant with his son. He had taken full responsibility for the child and then found out that she had had multiple partners between the time that him and her were broken up and when they were together. On top of the situation she was sleeping with multiple men while pregnant. Needless to say he wanted a paternity test and she decided in the mean time to file for full custody and only allow supervised visitation by her and her mother. Unfortunately, the results for the paternity test took 5 months, so that is 5 months out of his childs life that he missed out on. Plus, she never includes or lets him go to doctor appointments and never told him when she was in labor. He tries to see him every sunday and throughout the week, but she ignores him. Then accuses him of being a horrible father for not "being around . I have been very supportive through out the whole thing even though she has been very nasty to me and my fiances mother. I have invited her and her man over for dinner and she refuses to have anything to do with me. My fiance absolutely dreads going to her place to see his son. She tends to start arguments and has tried to get him to give up his rights.We just want to be civil and us all to get along. Because that is what is best for their son. Not sure what else to do but court. Any suggestions?

A lot

You have to go to court to set the rules and boundaries or she will have full control of everything. This has to be done. A word of advice- even when you become the step-mom, it's still between the bio parents and the child. You are entitled to respect, but this situation is particularly volatile. Basically, don't piss off Bio-mom and be the best friend/example/guide you can be for this child. I adore my stepparents. Aim for that goal, even if you're doing it alone.

You are not related to the child - so YOU stay out of it. It's up to your boyfriend to go to court, to show he is the responsible father figure that this child needs. If he isn't fighting for joint custody, he isn't going to get it. He needs to figure out what it is that he wants, then fight for it. And he needs to stop bad-mouthing the child's mother (as do you) because that will only prove he isn't fit to parent.


However, if you want to give your fiancé some solid advice here it is:
Did he sign the birth certificate claiming that he is the father BEFORE the paternity test? If he did, then he is the child's father no matter what the test says.....he should NOT have signed the birth certificate until the test confirmed him.

With a signed birth certificate and the proof from the paternity test, he can take the child's mother to court for visitation rights. If the court grants WRITTEN RIGHTS FOR HIM and she refuses to make the child available to him, then she is in contempt of court and will probably go to jail.

The problem is that people do foolish things WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT THEIR RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.
Having understood this, you may want to think twice about your relationship with this man.....this child's mother is NOT YOUR PROBLEM and you should never be involved.

If your fiancé can't handle his own business....then that is just another reason why you should think twice about him.
This is his responsibility.

you need to stay out of this whole issue it is none of your business. Your BF needs to go to court and get a visitation order allowing hin to have the child every other weekend and every other Wednesday. Most common visitation rules. It may not be full weekends untill the child is older but it is a start. He has the right to fight for visits.

Court sounds like your only option.

You need to stay out of this as none of this is any of your business. Your fiance needs to consult a lawyer and go to court to establish his visitation rights. If / when he has a court order, the mother of his child can no longer "ignore" him and has to allow him access to the child.