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Is my perception of dating/sex unhealthy?

Hello, everyone. I'm an 18 year old girl.

Sex consumes me to the point where it kind of controls my life. If I don't have sex for a given period of time, I get very frustrated. Sometimes when I have sex I'll literally masturbate right after. It never seems like I will have enough sex.

Actual romantic relationships scare me. While I guess I'm popular bc I'm in the top sorority at my school, I'm very socially awkward and generally panic in romantic situations. I've only dated one guy for 3 months despite many many offers. I would always just ghost the boy or do anything for them to stop talking to me. I've had sex with 14 guys, 1 was a boyfriend, 2 were fbuddies, the rest were just one night stands.

I mess up relationships for no reason. When I'm attracted to a guy, part of me is attracted to them, while part of me also is repulsed by them. It makes no sense. I'll have very nice, cute lovers and something about them just repulsed me for no reason.
I have periods where I'm v sexual, and periods where if a boy touches me in a nice way I freak. Sometimes I get so afraid that I shake or shut down.I feel uncomfortable telling boys not to touch me because I don't think they will care.

I've had a weird past. My cousin made me have sex with them when I was 10, took videos of me, and just made me do everything I wasn't ready/wanted to do.
When I was 15 my first date raped me. Honestly because of that I kind of feel like any guy who is interested me is joking or wants to hurt me.

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