How to write a sexy dance scene?
I still joined Avery and Jake who were already almost, making out. I separated myself from them in fear of becoming the third wheel. I swayed my hips to the beat, feeling the music electrocute through me as I embraced my singularity on the dance floor. I must have attracted the attention of a couple of guys advancing towards me yet trying to dance at the same time.
They had the same colour of hair - dirty blonde - and dark brown eyes. They grinned at me and almost winked simultaneously. I felt uneasy at their demanding expressions as they got closer and closer, staring straight at me. My heart increased as I noticed their dark clothes didn't seem to fit the fun club atmosphere. Their eyes hinted a sense of urgency and demand.
I know it's not good so can i just get some constructive criticism as I continue writing? I feel like it's missing something, not sure what.
Below is the recommendation and reference answer for question "How to write a sexy dance scene?" It was collected and sorted by the editor of this site but not sure the answer is entirely accurate.
Your protagonist is in a public place - a club - where she finds herself targetted by two men. This is obviously a problem, however they're dressed and however they look - one strange man might want to dance with her, buy her a drink, get to know her - that's what people have come to the place for, but two is a legitimate concern. Why doesn't she stop dancing and appeal to her friends (they might be wrapped up in each other, but this is a bit of an emergency), or speak to the barman and ask him to call the club's security (they will surely have a bouncer) - or take any sensible evasive action rather than just standing there.
How about "A primal fear raced through my veins and gave my heart a nervous twitch. I wanted to move away, to flinch, to run... But I did none of these things; I merely stood, frozen, as they planted themselves squarely in my personal space."
As for constructive criticism, I think that "already almost, making out" could lose its comma. Maybe you could phrase it as "nearly to the point of making out already," if it looks too weird sans a comma. Your word choice with "electrocute" and "singularity" struck me as odd and off-putting, but I can form no real, logical objection to them. Maybe your readers will take it as a part of your style? Nevertheless, consider "feeling the music's electric energy pulsing through me" and "individuality" as alternate phrasings, if you wish. You use "almost" twice in this passage; I bring this up because repeating words too frequently is something that people try to avoid in their writing. I hope you got something out of this! I hope that it helped.
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