Family & Relationships » Singles & Dating » Should I end this relationship?

Should I end this relationship?

I'm sorry if this is too long I want to be precise.

I have a girlfriend. She is 24 and I am 25. We have been together for the past 2 years.
I love her very much - I think she is a wonderful, kind, gentle person. I realize that this is hard to come by. However - I do not want this relationship to waste her time or mine. There are several issues that have been bothering me.

We don't talk about the future. I do not want to get married in the near future (6-8 years at least) and this is non negotiable since I have other pursuits. One might say that if she was the girl for me I would want to marry her anyway. Perhaps this is true, I really don't know. I know for a fact that she does want marriage and kids soon after she graduates - she is getting her masters right now. It's kind of like we just silently agreed not to talk about it most of the time. Every three or four months it comes up - I always tell her the truth, she seems mildly upset, and we go on as usual. One time she seemed so upset that I thought we would surely break up. I don't know what happened inside her mind, but this too came and went. I'm afraid I might be wasting her time because she has a tendency to not say things until they drive her crazy, and this could just cause her more pain in the future. Plus, even if I did feel ready for marriage - I'm not sure I would want to build a family with her, since our values are so different - religion, career, and general life outlook - we don't really agree on many things, although we never fight about them - only argue more or less politely.

There is another issue. I really do love and care for her. We cuddle and kiss all the time - we constantly show our affection, but we rarely have sex. In the last 6 -10 months we have been having sex maybe once every three-four weeks. Honestly - I don't think it bothers her too much, and worst - it only bothers me on an intellectual level. Not because I'm not horny - I am one horny bastard. It's the thought of having sex with her that turns me off. We kiss and cuddle all the time and I really do think she is beautiful. She is quite fit, and has nice facial features. The thing is, when we do have sex - it's like she only does it for the record. She doesn't seem to be enjoying the sex, but only the intimacy. She does get some sense of joy from the fact that I seem to like it. But when I have sex I want the girl to LOVE it. and in past relationships that I have had - that is how it often was. I think her outlook on sex is perhaps old fashioned in the sense that she does it in order to please a man, and basically just lays there complacently, smiling. Also she doesn't respond well when I want to try out new things - and in all honesty I feel she is more reserved than I am - so I don't really feel that comfortable with her sexually, compared to other relationships I have had. The thing is - I am a very sexual person, and I don't feel like sleeping with her that much, so I'm thinking maybe this should raise some questions. I feel very attracted to other women, and I have a lot of opportunities - I am not with her out of comfort. So basically I please myself most of the time.

But still, the thought of leaving her makes me feel really bad. I don't want to hurt her, and I really do love spending time with her. Watching movies, taking walks, whatever.. I just like being with her. We are also a good fit emotionally. She has helped me through tough times, and I have also been there for her. We have a lot of good things going on in the relationship, and if anyone considers suggesting we just stay friends - that will never happen, she is not that kind of person. It's all or nothing.

Any suggestions please? should I end it ? We always have fun together and we make each other feel good, but i'm afraid it may not be enough. Is there something I should try before leaving? Maybe this is just how it's supposed to be after a while?
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Tim

4 Answers4